We’d all like to believe that love conquers all, crossing the social stratosphere and bringing together couples from opposite sides of the track who ride the happily ever after train into the future.
The truth is, more often than not, dating someone who is not in your league leaves you striking out at love. If you want to end up with Mr. Right, he needs come to bat with you from the beginning.
So why do so many major league women choose to date guys who will never be called up from the minors?
At the start, the inequalities of a relationship can be intoxicating. Translation: the sex is great. However, when his driving a motorcycle goes from bad boy sexy to the only mode of transportation he can afford, you’re in for a big crash.
To be fair, your dating standards have little to do with money, unless of course you happen to be a gold-digger.
They are, however, strongly influenced by the behaviors and values we learn along the way in life, often a result of our upbringing. It’s not just the words we choose to express ourselves, but the meaning we give to them that defines our place in the world. Opposites might attract, but similarities keep us together.
What’s the biggest struggle dating someone who is not in your league?
It’s a tie: His fear that he will never measure up to your standards and your disappointment when you figure out he’s right.
So before you join his bowling team, here are some insights into why you might be lowering your standards for love and what you can do to remedy it.
He’s the tallest of the midgets. You’ve met a string of jerks. So you start to believe that while this guy is far from your equal, he is the best of what’s out there at the moment. You tell your pals he’s not your forever guy, just a passing novelty to fill your time. First, identify where you are meeting these men. Second, never go there again. Whether it’s an online site or your local pub, it is time to find a new avenue for meeting someone who meets your criteria for Mr. Right.
He seems like a safe bet. You’ve been burned. You think the guy who is not your equal will feel he’s lucky to get you. At the beginning, that could be true. Whether he’s cooking you a meal or walking your dog, he eagerly tries to overcompensate for his shortcomings. However, soon he realizes that he can’t live up to you and flees the scene to protect his ego. Ironic, isn’t it? You, (your family and friends), didn’t find him worthy of your affection in the first place. Stop scratching your head and commit to higher standards.
You need a confidence boost. You are highly attractive, fun and sexy. Yet like most A-list celebrities, you’ve got your share of insecurities. You could be choosing guys who reinforce the negative feelings you have about yourself. A true partner doesn’t drag you down, he lifts you up. Remember how incredible you are and start acting like it!
He’s a project. We all love to discover a diamond in the rough. If you think you can turn the cabana boy into the owner of the largest pool building company in the United States, it’s time to refocus your priorities. Save yourself, not the man you are dating.
And here’s the point you must keep top of mind: If he doesn’t measure up to your standards, don’t lower your expectations.
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