Financial issues are one of the top reasons relationships end. So what happens when money issues surface before the romance even begins? Here’s Alys’ perspective:
I met a guy on Match.com who invited me to happy hour at a moderately priced Clematis hangout. When the check came, he began to complain that it was too expensive. I laughed it off and told him it was a good thing we didn’t order an appetizer.
After he painstakingly reviewed the wine list to be sure we weren’t overcharged, I took out my credit card, placed it on the bar and told him we could split the bill. Yes, the fate of our relationship and my Visa were now in his hands. If he took me up on my offer, we’d be done before we ever get started. He snatched up my card and said not to worry. He’d get the tip. What a big spender!
Who should pay the bill on a first date?
When it comes to first dates, I would rather wash dishes in the kitchen than be expected to pay. If a man asks a woman out, he should pay. If a gay man asks another man out, he should pay, too. And, the same goes for gay women. The person who does the asking pays. Emily Post concurs. So if a woman asks a man on a date does she pay? She should at least suggest it.
Most men agree with me. In a poll by TD Ameritrade, 55 percent of men said they thought that men should pay on a date. (The other 45% must have been losing money on the stock market that day.) Then again, there’s the guy in my office who insists on splitting the check with his dates until they are sleeping together. Of course he hasn’t had a girlfriend in more than a year.
Here’s a first date etiquette check:
Yes, you should pay the bill. Whether you agree with it or not, women expect you to pay. If you’d like a shot at seeing her again, I suggest you cough up the cash for her Cosmo.
It’s not about the money. Just because you are in the red doesn’t mean you need to spend the night alone in the dark. If you’re strapped for dough, improvise! A walk on the beach at sunset is a win-win. It’s not going to cost you anything and she will think you are romantic. If she really wants to get to know you, it won’t matter.
Coffee, tea or me. Starbucks was invented for first dates, especially when it comes to meeting an online suitor in person. Best of all, you both can make a fast exit if the chemistry is off.
Save the coupons for a night out with the boys. No matter where you take her, resist the urge to score a deal. I once dated a guy who paid for our first (and last) dinner with a Groupon. It was a two-for-one turn-off. Hold back on the early bird special until you know she’s comfortably in your nest.
Let him pay. We are all equals. However, courtship is an important rite of passage in a romance. There are some fundamental traditions that go along with it.
It’s just dinner. You don’t owe him anything…not a second date, not a kiss goodnight, nada, zip! Of course if he flies you to Rome for dinner, he might be expecting you to share more than just desert!
Bring mad money. I am not talking about Jim Cramer on CNBC. Mad money is a stash of cash you keep on hand in case of an emergency – like your date forgets his wallet.
Be appreciative. Thank your date for his generosity before the evening ends. If you plan to see each other again, you can send him a text or an email that simply reads “thanks, I had a great time.” On a future date, offer to pay for the popcorn on your movie date or pick up the first round of drinks before you are seated for dinner. Little things, add up!
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One of the touchiest dating issues today has to do with money: Who should pay the bill on a first date? Check out some tips by Alys & Victoria!